


Make Thousands Working From Home!

by virdant



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Gen, Humor, Modern Era, Multi-Level Marketing Schemes, Sithnip-ish, everybody wants to seduce obi-wan to the dark side, except the dark side is a mlm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virdant/pseuds/virdant
Summary: “Try out the Dark Side! It can change your life. For a small subscription fee of $9.99 you can feel more powerful than you’ve ever felt before!”--Obi-Wan is surrounded by Dark Siders, a multi-level marketing scheme that seems to have caught everybody he knows in its web.
Relationships: Dooku & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Darth Maul
Comments: 17
Kudos: 267
Collections: The Temple Archives





	Make Thousands Working From Home!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Peppermint_Shamrock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peppermint_Shamrock/gifts).



> Peppermint came up with the most _delightful_ [crackfic idea](https://jedi-order-apologist.tumblr.com/post/631783824484941824/modern-au-concept-that-i-will-never-write-because) and then SHARED IT in the discord as if she didn't _know_ that my list was full already.
> 
> which is to say, prompts are called prompts because i promptly open up a word document to write them. [stares sadly at the list which only grows longer and longer]

“No,” Obi-Wan said, for the thirtieth time, “I am not joining your Multi-Level Marketing scheme, Grandfather.”

Dooku frowned back at him. It was, to all extents, a fairly effective frown: showing haughty disdain and disapproval. Obi-Wan had developed an immunity to it out of necessity. He said, “Obi-Wan,” his voice stiff with approval. “I am looking out for your best interests.”

The problem, Obi-Wan thought, was that old Dooku probably did believe that. He’d always been, in his domineering way, determined to see Obi-Wan “achieve his potential.” When Obi-Wan was younger, this meant signing him up for extracurriculars. Now that Obi-Wan was an adult, it apparently meant trying to get him to join a MLM scheme.

Dooku had only retired recently, and Obi-Wan had harbored hopes that he’d actually enjoy his retirement. He’d hoped that he’d settle down and pick up a hobby or two, make a few friends in his new home, find productivity in his new life.

Obi-Wan rather regretted his hopes, now.

Dooku had picked up a new hobby, made a few friends, and certainly found productivity.

“You really should join the Dark Side,” Dooku said. “You could make thousands of dollars just working from home!”

* * *

“Kenobi!” Maul roared from across the street.

“Oh _no_ ,” Obi-Wan whispered under his breath. He said, “Hello, Maul.”

Maul charged across the street, barely avoiding causing a four-car pile-up. Obi-Wan took a moment to count his blessings that this encounter didn’t involve a boombox playing Three Days Grace’s cover of _Somebody I Used to Know_ at 3AM and a noise complaint from his neighbors. All of the drivers looked like they would be leaving this encounter intact, if a little traumatized from watching a tall man barrel straight through them.

“Have you been _ignoring_ me?” Maul demanded, now on the same side of the street.

“Not you specifically,” Obi-Wan muttered. 

This was true. Because Maul was persistent and didn’t know how to take a hint, but he was hardly the _only_ person like that. In fact, since brunch earlier today, Obi-Wan had dodged three phone calls from Grandfather Dooku already, and was currently skipping “lunch” with family friend Asajj Ventress, who Grandfather Dooku had managed to convince to join his MLM and was growing steadily more and more in debt as a result.

“Listen, Kenobi,” Maul said. “I’ve told you before—”

“—and you’ll tell me again,” Obi-Wan muttered.

“But you may have taken _everything_ from me.”

“Saying that I cut you in half when I just said I didn’t want to go on a date is really hyperbolic—”

“But I shall forgive you.”

“Thanks?”

“—If you try out the Dark Side! It can change your life. For a small subscription fee of $9.99 you can feel more powerful than you’ve ever felt before!”

* * *

“Hey, Obi-Wan—”

“No.”

Anakin blinked, looking up from where he had been fiddling with what was once a broken Nintendo Wii, and was now a pile of machinery. “What did I do?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “Sorry, Anakin. It’s just been a long day.”

And it was. From brunch with Grandfather Dooku—really, Anakin avoiding the brunch due to rehearsal for the school play was quite unfair—avoiding Asajj’s attempts to corner him for lunch, and Maul hurling himself across traffic… Obi-Wan had had a very long day.

Really, he thought, only a little despairingly. How _did_ they all get suckered into the same multi-level marketing scheme.

“Enough about me,” Obi-Wan said. He smiled at Anakin. “How was rehearsal?”

“It was great! Hey, if you’re tired, I’ve got something for you to try?”

“It’s not going to explode, is it?”

Anakin snorted. “No. But it’s totally wizard. It’ll make you feel powerful and energized. Like, _electric_. Mr. Palpatine gave me some for cheap, and I just have to sell it to ten people to start making big bucks—”

Obi-Wan stared in despair.

“Mr. Palpatine says he makes thousands of dollars, just working from home—”

“Anakin—”

“But since you're my brother, I’ll give you some for cheap! It’s called the Dark Side, want to try it?”

**Author's Note:**

> want to hear bad jokes? here's how you can find me:
> 
>   * find me in salt flats
>   * Follow me on twitter [@virdant](http://www.twitter.com/virdant/)
>   * [Like & retweet on twitter](https://twitter.com/virdant/status/1315986959093755904)
>   * Comment and kudo below
> 



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